Here's to Caffeine

Due to a terrible decision, or a lack of thinking, I put regular espresso in my coffee earlier this night. So yes, I am still awake. Regretfully suffering the consequence of not using decaf. The caffeine is starting to ware off but nonetheless I am up blogging way too late for my sleepy self. Maybe there's a reason to my shenanigans, because I feel the need to share whats been weighing on my for a what I feel has been a really long time now. In all honesty, I am to the point where I just ignore it. So here it goes.. I have been feeling lonely. Which is contradicting since I have been constantly busy. School, leading, coaching, working.. you get the point.. the list seems to never end. I am not trying to convey the point of "woe me, my life is tough."What I'm saying, or rather feeling lately, is that I have been so preoccupied in doing stuff that my relationships with friends has really taken the back burner. I don't like that feeling one bit. It is a scary place to feel alone. Maybe its uncomfortable and tough to feel alone because we are not designed to be alone. We are wired and designed to be relational. I think the Lord is really working at this in my life. High school was a time where I surrounded myself constantly with people. 

And this is where my past ties in.

Theres no way I could sit here and say I did not love the friendships I had in high school. Because I truly do. I met some of the most amazing group of girls that I called my best friends during that time. They practically molded me as person during my early teenage years. They shared their hearts with me. We have memories that I will hope to never forget. But the one thing that weighs on my heart is that I did not get to share with them who Jesus is to me now. See, during those years Jesus was my savior not my Lord. I knew who he was, or had the general idea, but never thought to follow Him and live out His plan for my life. I'm going to be vulnerable as I say this, but I truly believe the reason I am not close with many of my friends back in high school is because I did not share with them the one person who was, who is, and always will be constant in my life- Jesus. I don't regret it. No, because I know the Lord is working, and in our patience His plan will prevail. I hope my friends will hear about how much they are loved by the God who created them. I cannot wait to see what He has planned for them. Because its going to be good. So good. Gosh, just thinking about where the Lord has brought me now and the friends He has truly hand-picked and surrounded me with.. I just cant help but be excited to see how these relationships will grow. I am grateful for each and everyone of you and how you share your life with me. Even though we may not always see each other very often, I am grateful. Keep being with Jesus because it's contagious. So, no, I am not alone. This world may feed us lies to believe we are, but I know that is far from true. Relationships are a gift. I don't want to ever take advantage of that. It is precious and so life-giving.