Where I'm At

I'm not sure where I should pick back up since the last time I blogged was in June, so I will leave it at that. However, during that period of time I have grown, a lot. 

It is amazing to say I have finally learned what it means to know and have peace in life. Now I may not have it all together all the time, but that is not what it means to have peace anyways. It's the simpleness of being content in knowing Jesus is it. Resting in Him is peace. Its contagious. It is something I have struggled with for the longest time. My emotions created a war against myself and others. In fact, I have been a hot mess for the past year. I think my boyfriend could agree that I have been a little unstable. I would flare in anger or I was constantly disappointed. I hardly would cry, but if I did it was because I was overwhelmed. The problem is I was so fixed on me. Everything affected me. I lived in this lonely and suffocating bubble where I was focused on how others could please me. We arn't called to live like that though.. and I see why now. My relationships were hindered and bruised. I was hurting the ones who love me most. 

We don't have to live that way though, and that is freeing in itself. The spirt of Jesus lives within me. By his spirit I have the spirit of peace already. I never understood this. I always thought I had to strive to achieve the "fruits of the spirit" which are love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22). But nope, I was wrong. All these fruits are what Jesus is. So the more I am fixed on Jesus and being with Him, I will start to display these things. Its amazing. It's times like these where I am blown away by how real He is. Like theres no doubt in my mind He's alive and moving because of the way He has changed my life and how different I am. Even being around people who are in Jesus you can tell there is something different about them. They are encouraging. And best of all, they make me want to spend more time with Jesus. It's attractive. My greatest hope is that people will see me and they will see Jesus and crave Him. Not for my sake or glory but for His. It makes me so thankful for my friends and their hearts. They are real and genuine. They encourage me and call me out on my BS. And they make me want to spend time with Him. 

Feels good to blog again. There's a short snippet of my heart. Enjoy.